Last week I went to the Flower and Garden Show. Every February it comes around, and my goodness, is it ever needed! By the end of February, we are all desperate for springtime… or at least the idea of springtime.

The minute I walk into that big convention center, I love the smell of dirt and the beautiful displays of flowers. It instantly transports me about three months into the future — to what the weather will (hopefully) be like and what our yard and garden could (optimistically) look like. What a treat!

And as with any big show, there were hundreds of booths selling their wares. The usual gardening supplies were there — seeds, tools, plants — along with the not-so-usual items that have absolutely nothing to do with flowers or gardens… like wine racks, dog coats, and massaging cushions. Basically, a mecca for buying whatever you never knew you needed.

But we all have different styles of purchasing things, right?

I wish I could shop more like my daughter. She arrives with a list, a mission, and the determination of someone who plans to check every item off before leaving the building. If she happens to see something interesting along the way, that’s great too — but she always completes what she set out to do (or buy!).

My husband is more of an impulse buyer… especially for people he loves. He constantly wants to get me things that will make me happy. The only problem is, I have no idea what purchases will make me happy — so I end up being a very cheap date. He, however, has no problem purchasing items that are needed for the house or yard. Once he decides it’s a good item, into the cart it goes!

I, on the other hand, am a completely different story.

When I’m shopping for myself, I have a very hard time choosing what to buy.
It’s funny, because in other situations I’m very decisive. I know exactly what to get, when to get it, and why. But not when it’s just for me. I really can’t figure out what to get.

Maybe it’s because I can’t justify spending the money.
Or I can’t justify that I really need it.
Or I can’t justify that it will truly be beneficial.
Or that I… deserve it.

So in other words, I usually wind up getting nothing — unless someone else picks it out for me.

Which is confusing, because I genuinely enjoy looking at everything! I think all of it is lovely. So why can’t I just commit and choose something? Buy something?

It’s a mystery.

Maybe sometimes the hardest thing isn’t finding what we want —
it’s believing we’re allowed to have it.

Or maybe I just need someone to follow me around the Flower Show saying,
“Yes, Peni. Buy the plant.”

-Peni

P.S. One of the reasons I write stories about children learning to trust themselves is because that voice starts early. Whether it’s trying a new sport like Piper in Piper’s Perfect Pick, or simply believing you’re allowed to take up space in the world — confidence is something we grow over time… just like a garden.