Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my friends—my tribe, or as we say these days, “my people.”

You know the ones.

The people you can count on, no matter what.
The ones who stay by your side during the hard times.
The ones you can be completely yourself with—flaws and all—and somehow still feel completely accepted.

The ones who get you… and you get right back.

When I was a child, “our people” meant something a little different. It was your family, your kin, where you came from. You didn’t really get a say in it.

They were your people… whether you liked it or not.

As I got older, I was sure my friends from school would be my people forever.

And some of them are.

But life has a funny way of changing things.

Friendships shift. People move. Paths go in different directions. And it’s not a failure—it’s just life doing what life does best… changing everything when you’re not looking.

Now that I’m retired, I’ve realized something else.

Friendships don’t just happen anymore like they used to.

They take effort.

(Yes… even for shy people like me.)

So I developed a little system.

First, I choose my “watering hole.” For me, that usually means some kind of exercise class.

Then I become a regular.

Then comes the hardest part—learning names.

Honestly, names fly in and out of my brain faster than a rocket launch. I can remember what you wore, what you said, and what injury you’re recovering from… but your name? Gone.

Next, I strike up conversations. (Hopefully using the correct name… but no guarantees.)

Then, little by little, I spend more time with these people—before class, after class, maybe even outside of class.

It’s a very scientific process. Highly sophisticated.

And just like that…

Ta-da.

A new tribe.
New friends.
A new version of “my people.”

These days, my people come in all different groups.

There are my longtime friends—the ones who have known me for over 20 years. The keepers. The ones who have seen it all and still stick around.

Then there are my 6 AM boxing buddies—we call ourselves The Breakfast Club. We are a mix of ages, backgrounds, and beliefs… but we all show up, gloves on, ready to punch things and somehow encourage each other at the same time.

And then there are my Silver Sneakers friends—where we not only work on staying strong, but we also share the unique experience of navigating this stage of life together.

Different groups. Different places.

All “my people.”

So if you ever look around your life and think, “I could really use some new friends,” don’t worry.

You’re not alone.

We all feel that way sometimes.

The good news?

There are always more “people” out there to find.

Sometimes… you just have to go looking for them.

And if all else fails…

Try an exercise class.

Apparently, nothing builds friendships faster than sweating together at 6 AM.

– Peni

P.S.

In my book Fried Taters, Pammy Lee learns that the people around her—her neighbors—can become something more than just familiar faces. They become her people. I think that lesson doesn’t change… no matter how old we are.