Those Are Swearin’ Words!
When I taught kindergarten, I avoided swear words like the plague. I figured if I let a few slip in private, one might pop out at work—and that would’ve been terrible! So, I kept my vocabulary squeaky clean. 😇
But then I retired. And, oh boy, I started developing a bit of a “potty mouth!” 🤦♀️
I don’t know a wide range of swear words, but the few I do know? I began saying them with gusto! At first, I thought it might make me feel better to let it all out. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. Instead, I ended up feeling embarrassed—and more irritated than before.
So, I decided it was time to clean up my act. I started coming up with alternative words to use when I felt the need to vent. My goal? Pick silly, ridiculous phrases that would make me laugh instead of fume. Here’s my growing list of “non-swear swear words”:
- Fudge
- What the hey?
- What the marshmallow fluff?
- Mother love a duck
- You Mother of a FlockinNockinVilifiCation (a personal favorite for sheer ridiculousness!)
- Son of a monkey
- Sugar
- Shut the front door
- Holy guacamole
- Holy Mother in Moscow
- Dang rabbit
- Kiss my grits
- Holy crap on a cracker
- Bob Saget
- Awww pickle juice
- Cheese and crackers
- Gosh dangit
- Tartar sauce
I know—they’re silly. But you know what? They work! These goofy words make me smile, calm me down, and reduce my frustration. The only catch is remembering them in the middle of a swearing tirade. Maybe I need to make myself a cheat sheet! 🤪
If you have any funny substitutions of your own, let me know! The more I add to my collection, the merrier I’ll be—and maybe you will be too. Give it a try!
– Peni
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My upcoming Books!
Come on a whirlwind safari adventure in “LilliMae’s Safari Hat!” LilliMae loves her hat, a versatile companion for all occasions. But when a sudden gust of wind sweeps it away during a safari expedition, her hat embarks on its own journey.
From playful elephants to curious leopards, confident lions, and charging rhinos, the hat becomes the star of every animal’s day. LilliMae’s quest to reclaim her hat leads to unexpected discoveries, resilience, and a heartwarming transformation as she realizes that sometimes what is lost can change into something even better.
Lillimae's Safari Hat
Coming summer 2025
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This heartwarming story showcases the support of family, the power of teamwork, and the joy found in overcoming obstacles.
Most importantly, it reminds us to give unconditional love to our pets.
Heart Trouble for ZZ
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In the hills of West Virginia, Pammy Lee and her Mamaw share a special bond over Mamaw’s cookin’, especially her fried taters.
But when the potatoes run out, Pammy Lee embarks on a heartwarming journey through her neighborhood to find some.
However, she discovers there are no potatoes to be found.
Now what will Pammy Lee do?
“Fried Taters” is an inspiring story that celebrates family, the joy of fresh vegetables, and the power of community.
Fried Taters
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Step into the whimsical world of Nellie, a quiet and imaginative girl with an unusual best friend - an invisible pig named Old Long Snout. Together, they embark on adventures and share an unbreakable bond.
But when Nellie enters her beloved pig into the neighborhood pet parade, she faces a challenge unlike any other - no one else can see Old Long Snout. Will their friendship prevail in the face of disbelief? Will Nellie finally find her voice?
Experience the enchantment of "Old Long Snout" as Nellie's determination, imagination, and love are tested.
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